


Foreign Exchange Club: Episode 11-The Treasure of the Shinjuku Madre

by egyptian



Category: None - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 20:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egyptian/pseuds/egyptian
Summary: I wrote all these episodes in about 3 weeks, and it really shows.





	Foreign Exchange Club: Episode 11-The Treasure of the Shinjuku Madre

[Shot opens on the Foreign Exchange clubroom. It's the usual wide shot. Nobody is here right now]

Lynn Voiceover: To say that things have been getting stressful lately has been a bit of an understatement. It seems like with every contest the stakes get higher and everyone gets more and more intense.

[Cut to a different shot of the room. We see the Sakai flag from the previous episode hanging on the wall]

Lynn Voiceover: In case you were wondering, they went ahead and gave us the win last week after Junko finally showed up. After the match she slept for two days, ate a slice of cheesecake and seems to be her old self.

[Cut to Lynn walking around the school to the Wheel of Calamity. We see a confrontation between the Foreign Exchange girls and the S3s.]

Lynn Voiceover: At this point I wouldn't mind tarring the stupid roof if we can all get out of this in one piece.

[Cut to a closeup of the confrontation. The usual Sakai girls are talking to Gin and Yayoi]

Sakai #1: Look, we need to talk. This contest, it's getting out of hand, right?

Gin: Out of hand? Why, because we're starting to catch up?

Sakai #1: No dummy! We almost got blown up! Every challenge has been getting more and more dangerous. We have to stop this!

Yayoi: You might have a point.

Gin: Silence! This contest cannot be stopped, not under any circumstances!

Sakai #1: Well get dramatic about it why don't you?

Gin: You want dramatic? I'll give you dramatic! (in English) "This whole act's immutably decreed. 'Twas rehearsed by thee and me a billion years before this ocean rolled. Fool! I am the Fates' lieutenant; I act under orders." 

Sakai #2: What did she say? I'm only getting a C in English?

Gin: (still speaking English, gesticulating wildly)"Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee. Sink all coffins and all hearses to one common pool! and since neither can be mine, let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, though tied to thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"

Sakai #2: Whale? Did she call you fat?

[Cut over to Lynn and the rest of them]

Lynn: I don't think I'm going to loan Gin any more of my books.

[Roll opener]

[Cut back to the Wheel of Calamity. Round and Round she goes, only to finally stop on “Treasure Hunt”]

Principal: (looking a bit haggard) Alright ladies, this time it's a treasure hunt. This week the rules are a bit different. You'll each get your treasure map today. Whoever brings their chest to me first wins. No, you won't be competing for the same chest. No explosions, no calling the fire department, no government officials threatening to deport me. Just two teams of horrible young women who seem to dodge rightful imprisonment at every turn looking for treasure chests. (tosses a scroll case to Kumiko, then Sakai #1) Good luck and please, please try to be good.

[The principal and his shattered nerves shuffle off the stage. The two teams quickly dig into the cases and start to look them over]

Kumiko: Alright, let's get back to the hideout and look this over. We can plan there away from prying eyes.

[As the Foreign Exchange girls take off the camera instead follows the Sakai girls. They start to head around the building, where the meet the Tea Ceremony Club girls]

Tea Club #1: Treasure hunt eh?

Sakai #1: You did pretty good last time. One more win and we can put all of this behind us. You guys get us the Foreign Exchange Club's map, or even just a copy of it and we've got it made.

Tea Club #1: That's going to be tricky and dangerous. 

Sakai #2: What are you saying?

Tea Club #1: Seifun is a cesspit. You're in good with your principal. Help us get a school transfer.

Sakai #1: (smiling a bit) I'll see what I can do.

Tea Club #1: Then we'll see what we can do about that map.

[Cut to the Foreign Exchange Club room. Kumiko and Gin are pouring over the crudely drawn map]

Gin: This is the most diabolical challenge yet. The map is too crude to match to landmarks and all of the notes are in a cunning cypher. Oki, what do you know about cryptography?

Oki: Are you serious? I'm only 16.

Gin: Useless! Anyone else? 

Lynn: (glancing casually at the map) That says 'Go to Go Mart in Shinjuku. Ask at the Counter for the next map.

[Everyone looks at Lynn in surprise]

Gin: It's witchcraft! Nobody could crack such a difficult code so quickly!

Lynn: It's not a code! It's in /Spanish/ you knucklehead!

Kumiko: Well that's easy enough then. So we go there and get the next part of the map?

Lynn: (taking the map from Gin) I think so. Sounds kind of easy, doesn't it?

Maya: Does that mean we don't need everyone to help? I kind of need to clean my house up. It's still trashed from when I had everyone over to study. HINT HINT.

Kumiko: Oh I'm sure that Gin would be happy to help you with that Maya.

[Gin gives Kumiko a dirty look. Kumiko gives it back and Gin cowers.]

Kumiko: Any other volunteers?

Kiku: Can we take naps after the cleaning is done? Also, how is the cookie situation at your house?

Shizu: Those are both excellent questions!

Maya: I think I have some cookies and possibly chips as well.

[Ming briefly looks over the top of her magazine, then ducks down when Kumiko looks her way]

Kumiko: Ming! You're helping too!

Ming: (behind magazine) I'm not available to take your call right now. Please leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you!......BEEP.

Kumiko: Go help them, or stay here and take your turn cleaning the club room.

[The camera sweeps across the room, to reinforce what a pigsty this place is, then back to Ming, who swallows hard]

Ming: Yes'm.

Kumiko: Alright, I think that should take care of all of our problems. Junko is still at home sick (eyes Gin again), so that leaves myself, Lynn, Oki and Nanae to go get the treasure. Alright people, let's move!

[Cut to a lovely house in the suburbs with a huge yard and front yard. It looks like millionaires live here.]

Ming Voiceover: This is crap!

[Cut to the inside of the house. Kiku, Shizu, Maya and Gin are all dressed to clean the house up. Ming is in a traditional fetishy French Maid outfit. The house looks like a tornado came through and destroyed several trailer houses full of food packaging.]

Ming: Why am I the only one who has to wear this garbage?

Maya: (ignoring Ming) Okay everybody, there's a lot of work to do but if we split it up we can get this done before my parents get home, kill me and bury my body in the yard. Kiku, Shizu, you two get the kitchen.

Kiku and Shizu: Yes!

Gin: Don't give them the kitchen. They're just going to eat nonstop and they won't get any work done.

Maya: You may have a point.

Shizu: In all fairness I agree with her.

Maya: Right. Kiku and Shizu clean the living room. I'll clean the kitchen. Ming, you get the living room and Gin gets the back yard.

Gin: Back yard?! I don't recall any studying being done in the back yard!

Maya: Well no, that was the one and only chore my parents left for me to do and I didn't do it.

Gin: Then why should I do it?

Maya: Because if you don't then I'll tell Kumiko that you came over and did nothing. (narrows eyes and smiles) Your call space cowboy.

Gin: (scowls) You win this round, but I'll have my revenge. Just you wait! (

[Cut to exterior. Gin is going out the back door of Maya's house]

Gin: (takes out a small black book) See this? I'm putting your name on my revenge book! I used the red ink too! That means something /really/ bad. (door closes) Jerk. 

[Gin turns to look at the yard. We see that the place looks like a complete wreck. We also see some of those wild dogs.]

Gin: Oh crap! (tries to open the door) The lock is stuck. (looks back scared) Crap!

[Cut to inside. Ming is running the vacuum cleaner and listening to an MP3 player. We see Gin through the window on the door terrified and beating on the glass]

Gin: Ming! Open the door Ming! MING! Ming please! (sinks out of sight as the dogs pounce)

[Cut to Kumiko's group at the Go Mart in Shinjuku. They are getting their map at the counter. The girls look the map over and we can see that Lynn is doing the translating again. They leave and head down the road. The camera swings a bit to reveal two of the Tea Club girls hiding around a corner with a group of goonish looking girls]

Tea Club #1: Why steal a map when we can just let them find the treasure and take that? I'm a smartie every day!

[Cut to a closer shot of the girls walking down the street]

Kumiko: (holding the map) Wow, they really dragged out the archaic kanji for this didn't they? You'd almost think they wanted us to learn something. Okay, think that they mean this blue building over here.

Oki: (points) This is talking about the third floor, right?

Kumiko: Let's look. I mean we're already here anyway, right?

[The girls go into the old blue building. We see the Tea Club posse close in moments after they go inside. Cut to Maya's house. Location is in the kitchen. Kiku and Shizu look upset. The sink is overflowing. Maya is standing and facing the two of them]

Shizu: We're so sorry!

Maya: It's okay, you just overloaded the garbage disposal. It's just a clog.

[We see Gin looking in the kitchen window. She's trying to get the window open from the outside. Her hair is all messed up like she's been in a fight]

Kiku: A clog? Oh no! Do we need a plumber?

Maya: Nah, just some drain opener. I have some in the bathroom. We'll get this fixed in no time.

[Maya walks off. Gin frantically beats on the glass]

Gin: Kiku!

Kiku: Yes Shizu?

Shizu: What? I didn't say anything.

Kiku: Oh, I misunderstood. Oh! I bet Maya was calling us!

Shizu: I bet you're right. Let's go see what she needs.

Gin: Kiku! You idiot! Get back here and let me in!

[The dogs leap up and drag Gin down out of sight. Cut to exterior shot of the blue building. Cut to an inside hallway, where we see the girls going through a doorway]

Kumiko: Ah, it's this one!

[Cut to a small room with a single window and a single door. The door has a weird lock. There's a table with four small boxes and a note.]

Nanae: (tries door) It's locked of course.

Kumiko: The note says we have to solve the puzzle on each of these boxes. Each box has a key and all four keys will open the door.

Lynn: What kind of Legend of Zelda bullcrap is this? Damnit! I thought we were almost done!

Kumiko: Well getting mad isn't going to get that door open. We'll just have to try and solve the puzzles.

[All four girls pick up a box and try to solve the Rubik's Cube like puzzle. Nanae tries to crack hers open on the corner of the table to no avail. Oki fusses with hers a bit, then notices the window. She shrugs, drops the box and climbs out the window. After a moment she opens the locked door from the inside.]

Oki: I figured that there had to be an easier way. Treasure chest is right here guys!

[The girls go into the room and look the massive wooden chest over. Lynn tries to move it, makes a face and barely budges it]

Lynn: That thing must be filled with bricks!

Nanae: You three get on one end and I'll get the other. With four of us it shouldn't be too bad.

[Cut to outside the blue building. The girls maneuver the heavy chest outside. We get the between the legs shot of one of the Tea Club girls, then see the legs of a number of the goons take up positions beside her. Camera cuts as we see the group walking down the street snapping their fingers. Cut to the Exchange girls. They realize that trouble is coming and set the chest down]

Tea Club #1: Well well well, looks like you found your chest. Too bad it won't do you a lick of good. We'll just be taking that if you don't mind.

Kumiko: Who are you exactly?

Tea Club #1: (mops her face) I'm the chairman of the Seifun High Tea Ceremony Club. (pause to wait for a response, which she doesn't get) We're the club who's always complaining about you guys making too much noise? (waits again) Our club is right next to yours?

Kumiko: (shrugs) Sorry, not ringing a bell.

Tea Club #1: Oh my god! I'm your class rep! You don't recognize me?

Kumiko: Sorry.

Oki: Who cares about that? What do you guys want?

Tea Club #2: We want that treasure chest! If we get rid of you we can get out of crappy Seifun High and go to a real school that won't be an embarrassment on our college applications!

Nanae: And what if we say no? (pounds fist in her hand)

Tea Club #1: (gets up in Nanae's face) Then you're gonna get pounded. You might be the imfamous Ito Nanae, the legendary Karate Killer of Seifun High but I've got something even better. I found a gang of the toughest girls this side of Osaka! 

Nanae: So where are they?

Tea Club #1: Right here. Are you blind?

[Camera cuts to a wider shot. All of the tough thugs that were right next to the two Tea Club girls are hauling ass out of there. Cut to Nanae, Oki and Lynn cracking their knuckles and preparing to inflict harm]

Tea Club #2:....(turns and looks at Tea Club #1) Not my teeth! I just got my braces out!

[Hands grab the two Tea Club girls and pull them out of the frame towards the Exchange girls. Cut to Maya's house. Shizu, Kiku and Ming are eating cookies.]

Ming: I have to admit it, these cookies are worth the work.

Kiku: Definitely!

Maya: (walking to the back door) I wonder how Gin is doing?

[Maya opens the back door. Gin is laying face down in the middle of the yard, looking somewhat mauled. A couple of buzzards are picking at her. Maya walks over and looks down at her nervously]

Maya: Gin? Are you dead?

Gin: (something muffled)

Maya: (grabs Gin's head and lifts her face out of the dirt) What did you say?

Gin: I said that I want you to die in a fire, and that I want to be the one who starts the fire.

Maya: (delighted, she turns and yells back into the house) She's alright!

[Cut to the Sakai girls, who are packing their own chest towards Seifun High. As they walk down the sidewalk in front they suddenly stop]

Sakai #2: Did you hear that?

[The Sakai girls look up. The whole Tea Ceremony Club is tied together and hanging from the top of the flagpole in one bundle. There's a banner hanging off them that says TRAITORS]

Sakai #2: Those useless idiots. I swear I am throwing all of their shoes in the drainage ditch once we get them down.

Sakai #1: There's no time for that! If the Foreign Exchange Club has already been here then they might have already won. Hurry!

[The Sakai girls grab up their box and start to run. Their chest seems a lot lighter than the Exchange girls chest. As they round the building we see the Exchange girls huffing and puffing, barely able to move the heavy chest. The two teams race, but after a short distance the Sakai girls pull past. Cut to show a marked area with a checkered flag. The Exchange girls fight to catch up but the burden is too much. Sakai's team races across and drops their chest. A few seconds later the Exchange girls drag their chest inside the line, then all of them collapse in exhaustion]

Principal: Well well, it looks like we have a winner! Sakai High is first. And since they are two wins ahead with only one contest left I think we can safely declare them the overall winners.

Kumiko: (panting) Not yet you don't. You Sakai jerks beat yourselves this time. Open the chests!

[Lynn swallows heavily and pops the Exchange club chest open, revealing a stack of bricks.]

Sakai #1: No wonder you dummies we so slow. Look at this!

[The Sakai girl takes out a brick. On it is written “This brick not needed to complete contest”]

Sakai #1: They all say that you idiots! You lost, so admit it!

[Lynn holds up a finger in protest. She digs a little deeper and takes a brick from the very bottom. She holds it up and it says, “all bricks required to win. This brick supercedes all others”. The Sakai girls pale. The Principal calmly walks over and opens Sakai's chest, which is of course empty.]]

Principal: (sighs) Foreign Exchange Club wins. The contest will go on.

Lynn: Yes! In your face Sakai!

Kumiko: Yeah! You might have been smart, and had a good plan and some help from treacherous students but the one thing you didn't count on was how obsessive compulsive Oki is! She couldn't help but look at every single brick!

Oki: I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not.

Nanae: It's a compliment because we won!

[Sakai #1 picks up the empty chest and throws it, breaking it to pieces. She stomps off in a fury. The camera follows her. Sakai #2 runs after her]

Sakai #2: Hey, don't get so wound up! We can still win next week. This isn't over yet.

Sakai #1: This should be over NOW! That's it, I am going to make sure that this ends. I'm not having them win and force us into a tiebreaker. 

Sakai #2: What are you thinking?

Sakai #1: First, we're going to sneak back here later and rig that wheel. Then...we call in backup.

Sakai #2: You don't mean...

Sakai #1: That's right. It's going to be Karaoke warfare. Enjoy your moment Foreign Exchange Club. You'll never beat the Five Deadly Tenors.

[Cut to Maya's house. Her parents are looking around. The place looks spotless]

Maya's Mom: I can't believe my eyes! This place wasn't this clean when we moved in!

Maya's Dad: It's suspiciously clean. (teasing) Are you sure this is your work?

Maya: Oh come on Dad, give me a little credit!

Maya's Dad: I can't wait to see the back yard!

[Maya's dad opens the back door. Two of the wild dogs run through the door dragging a sled filled with garbage. The garbage flies all over the house as they run back and forth, as do firecrackers and those little fireworks spinning bee things. Then a Don't Tread On Me flag falls down to hang in the doorway]

Maya's Dad: MAYA!

[Maya cringes from her father, then turns towards the doorway. Somewhere out in the darkness we hear Gin's mocking laughter]

[Roll credits]

[Credits roll stops halfway. Cut to the drainage ditch. All four Tea Club members are lined up and shoe less. All of them look tearful in a comical way. The Sakai Girls are casually tossing their shoes into the murky water]

Sakai #1: You're right, I do feel a lot better now. (exhales softly) So relaxing!

Sakai #2: See? You have to find time to enjoy the little things. Smell the roses!

[Credits resume rolling]


End file.
